Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think people are normalizing furries
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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