I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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