I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
