After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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