sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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