We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
