She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
