last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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