You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
