How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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