I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Randomize
