i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
