you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
