The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
