I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
