he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
