If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
