where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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