My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
