Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
