i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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