I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
