Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
