oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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