What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
