Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
