Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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