omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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