My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
