Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
