I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
