there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
