I wannas sexs uuuuu
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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