Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
