Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
