Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
