Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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