Don't EVER smell your tampon
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
