Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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