He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
