did you get engaged???
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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