I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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