His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Randomize
