Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
