the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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