MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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