a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
