You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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