I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
