how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
