This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize