i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
