never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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