The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
