Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
