It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize