Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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