my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
