party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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