i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize