I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
