in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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