Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
