If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
