peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
