You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
