Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
