I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
