I'm lost and stupid without you.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
