I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize