my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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