i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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