i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize