Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
